maybe i'm not good enough for anyone?

i think i've come to realize that maybe i'm just not good enough for any guy to date. everytime i meet someone, they tell me that they think i'm an amazing person and that they like me and can see something happening between us. then we meet in person and things still seem to go ok until the next day when i talk to them about our meeting and then they are like, "well i think i only like you as a friend" or as jordan put it, "you deserve a better man than me". right and now he has a girlfriend so i guess that was just his way of saying that i would never date you or could never see you as my girlfriend but i don't want to say that to your face. i don't know, just sounds like a load of crap to me. but then, what do i know? boys are constantly leading me on to think that there is something more going on and then when i ask about it, they are like, "no nothing is going on, what are you talking about?" i'm just starting to get sick of it. and then take chad. i mean sure i do like the guy, even though i guess in my last post i kind of said he was annoying(well it only seems to be in public) but i don't know what is going on with us because he's like, "i just want to take things as they come." like what the fuck? either you want to date or you don't. so u know what, i've decided to give up on guys. i'm just going to concentrate on school and get good grades so i can finish and move away from here. i know that guys in other provinces will probably be the same but i need to get away from the ones here. cause they just treat me like crap and i'm sick of it. especially when they say that they still want to be friends, but really they don't, they are just too chicken shit to tell me that they really don't want to be. cause i mean why do you want to be my friend if we never hang out or even talk anymore? what kind of friendship is that? now i understand why jordan didn't want to fix my car or hang out or even talk to me. it's because he has a gf. and he said he was busy with his family and changing jobs and stuff, bullshit it's all cause of a girl. guys are just assholes. grrrr.

anyways last night i had a good thanksgiving with my family. it was sad that my dad wasn't with us but i know he was watching over us. and everyone else was there so i was glad about that. cause i don't get to see them all the time so it's nice when we can all get together. and we already drew names for christmas lol but i guess it is like a month and a half away or something like that. but it's also cause my grandma was so persistent about drawing names cause she wants to get her shopping done.

well i have to go to work. at least i get to work 4 hours on the holiday since i haven't gotten to work a holiday in a long time. and then i am coming home and doing homework and studying. no distractions for me tonight cause i have 2 midterms this week. i'll write more later