i am not a criminal lol

today i went down to the police station to get a criminal record check for my eps 100 class. of course as soon as i got there i was nervous only cause police make me nervous.but all u have to do is fill out a form and then pay $25(which sucks) and then it takes like 2 minutes for them to do a search in the computer and then print it off. and i am not a criminal nor am i a sex offender lol

last night before i went to bed, i was doing some thinking and i am getting really worried that i am going to fall into a depression. i have no desire to hang out with any of my friends, only the odd person. and i'm really scared i'm not going to do well in school cause i can't seem to concentrate. all i keep doing is thinking about my dad and missing him. i wish he was here right now so he could tell me to get off the computer and go and do some homework. which really i should be doing lol but i really want to do well in school for him cause i know he's watching down on me and probably is proud of me for still being in school. see neither of my parents ever went to university. so they don't really know what it's like, my dad thinks that you should be able to get 80's all the time but it's not the case in some classes. but i do want to graduated from university to make both my parents proud, even though my dad isn't here to one day see me graduate. i really think i need to talk to someone and just let everything out that it is on my mind. cause i have been holding a lot of stuff in. i think it's cause everyone kept telling me all summer to be strong for my mom and i dont want to break down in front of her. but what about me? that was my dad that i lost. he meant the world to me. we may not have been super close like me and my mom are, but we still did a lot of things together that he never did with my brother or my mom. i feel like i got a lot closer to him this year up until he passed away. Sasktel has this family program where u can talk to someone when you are going thru the death of a family member. so i think i might call them cause like i said, i just really need someone to talk to. i don't think any of my friends could help me or would want to listen about that. most of them don't understand what i am going thru.

well i hope jordan can look at my car this week, maybe on wednesday. i just want to know if there is anything wrong with my car and if there is, then i'll get it fixed. but i seem to be a hassle to him or something i don't know. like i really dont think he cares whether we are friends or not. that's the way it seem to me. usually when i get a feeling about something, i'm usually right. i can tell if a person doesn't want to be my friend or care if we hang out or not. especially if they never call me or ask to hang out. or even just call me to say hey how's it going? actually a lot of people never do that with me so whatever. maybe noone cares about me.

anyways i'm going to lay down before i get ready for my night class. more later

Aaron